Hello Beautiful Soul, recent studies are showing that mindful self-compassion plays an important role in building resilience.
In this article, we will explore how being compassionate to ourselves can increase our resilience and give you 8 practices to build self-compassion.
- What is Resilience?
- What is Mindful Self-Compassion?
- Self-Compassion vs Mindful Self-Compassion
- How Does Mindful Self-Compassion Build Resilience?
- Ways to Practice Self-Compassion
- Final Thoughts
- Join The Community
What is Resilience?
Resilience is the ability to cope with and recover from setbacks. People who remain calm in the face of disaster have resilience1. Resilience is like having a reserve of well-being and strength that you can call on in difficult times to help you stay strong.
Resilience is not the absence of stress, suffering or issues but it is the ability to work through the emotional pain.
Resilience is something that can be developed, but it can also decrease under prolonged stress. This is good news as it means we can develop and increase it. There are a lot of factors that can impact resilience including;
- Our internal world; self-esteem, determination, flexibility, forgiveness, optimism, a sense of purpose and meaning and of course, self-compassion.
- Our external world; personal relationships, support networks, external motivating factors (something to get out of bed for) and community sense of connection and understanding.
What is Mindful Self-Compassion?
Mindful self-compassion is that understanding friend who says, “It’s okay, you’re doing your best,” when we stumble. When we practice self-compassion, we’re essentially extending the same kindness, understanding, and patience we offer to our closest friends, to ourselves.
Self-Kindness: At the heart of mindful self-compassion is self-kindness. This element encourages you to treat yourself with the same warmth and gentleness you’d offer to a dear friend. It’s about being understanding and patient with yourself, especially when life throws challenges your way. Instead of self-criticism, it’s like giving yourself a comforting hug, saying, “It’s okay, I’m here for you.”
Common Humanity: This part reminds you that you’re not alone in your experiences. It’s the recognition that as humans, we all make mistakes, face difficulties, and have moments of vulnerability. Common humanity helps you understand that your struggles are shared by others, fostering a sense of connection and compassion for yourself and those around you.
Mindfulness: Mindfulness is like the glue that binds the other elements together. It involves being fully present and aware of your thoughts and feelings without judgment. It’s about observing your emotions as they come, without trying to change them or criticize yourself for having them. Mindfulness helps you stay in the moment, promoting a healthier perspective on your experiences.
Self-Compassion vs. Mindful Self-Compassion: What’s the difference?
Self-Compassion
It’s about being kind and understanding toward yourself, acknowledging that making mistakes and facing challenges is a part of being human.
Mindful Self-Compassion
It’s self-compassion with an added dose of mindfulness, helping you become more aware of your thoughts and emotions in a non-judgmental way, fostering deeper emotional resilience.
How does Mindful Self-Compassion Build Resilience?
‘There is growing evidence that self-compassion is an inner resource that promotes resilience’2. The research done by Austin and his team shows that the elements involved in self-compassion, such as; mindfulness, self-kindness, and common humanity assist in building short and long-term resilience.
Consider this example:
Using the example above: the self-compassionate response and outcome show that self-kindness allows you to bounce back with resilience, enabling you to learn from the experience and adapt for the future.
Resilience, in this context, is your ability to not only weather the storm but to emerge from it stronger. Mindful self-compassion nurtures that inner strength by helping you regulate your emotions effectively, maintain a positive outlook, and seek support when needed.
Ways to Practice Self-Compassion Everyday
- Self-Kindness: Treat yourself with kindness, like you would a dear friend. Replace self-criticism with self-encouragement and understanding.
- Mindfulness: Cultivate mindfulness by being present with your thoughts and emotions without judgment. It helps you respond to difficulties with greater clarity and self-compassion.
- Common Humanity: Understand that everyone faces challenges and makes mistakes. Recognize that your struggles are part of the shared human experience, fostering connection and empathy.
- Self-Comforting Language: Use soothing and compassionate language when you talk to yourself. Replace negative self-talk with words of comfort and reassurance.
- Journaling/Self-Compassionate Writing: Write down your thoughts and feelings in a journal. Use this space to express self-compassion, acknowledge your experiences, and explore self-kindness.
Read more about how to start journaling. - Practice Self-Validation: Acknowledge your emotions without judgment. Validating your feelings helps you accept them and respond with kindness and understanding.
- Set Realistic Expectations: Set achievable goals and expectations for yourself. Avoid perfectionism and embrace the idea that it’s okay to make mistakes and learn from them.
- Self-Care: Dedicate time for self-care activities that bring you joy and relaxation. Whether it’s reading, taking a bath, practising a hobby, or simply enjoying a cup of tea, self-care nourishes your soul and fosters self-compassion.
Final Thoughts
In a world where we often push ourselves to the limits, practising mindful self-compassion emerges as a vital tool in our resilience toolkit. It’s the understanding friend who stands by us when life throws its curveballs, reminding us that it’s okay to stumble and that in vulnerability, there is strength.
Resilience isn’t about never facing adversity; it’s about navigating those challenges with grace and emerging even stronger on the other side. And mindful self-compassion is the key that unlocks this inner strength.
So, as you embark on your journey of self-compassion, remember that it’s okay to be kind to yourself, to acknowledge that you’re not alone in your struggles, and to stay present in your own life story. With mindful self-compassion, you’re not just building resilience; you’re cultivating a kinder, more compassionate relationship with yourself—a gift that keeps giving, no matter what life brings your way.
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Resources
- Horn SR, Feder A. Understanding resilience and preventing and treating PTSD. Harv Rev Psychiatry. 2018;26(3):158-174. doi:10.1097/HRP.0000000000000194 ↩︎
- Austin, J., Drossaert, C.H.C., Bohlmeijer, E.T. (2023). Self-Compassion as a Resource of Resilience. In: Finlay-Jones, A., Bluth, K., Neff, K. (eds) Handbook of Self-Compassion. Mindfulness in Behavioral Health. Springer, Cham. https://doi.org/10.1007/978-3-031-22348-8_10 ↩︎
How to Practice Self-compassion for Resilience and Well-being (utah.edu)
Self-Compassion Makes Life More Manageable (verywellmind.com)
I think self compassion is an area in my life that I haven’t really tapped into yet. This post just gave me much needed inspiration today to practice a bit more of it.
I’m so glad it was inspiring for you Char! Good luck on your journey to self- compassion and resilience!
Mindful selfcare and compassion is pretty important to building resilience in my opinion. A lovely read indeed!
Thank you Hari. I hope you got something useful out of it and glad you agree.
Great post! Treating ourselves doesn’t always come easy. These are helpful tips on practicing self-compassion. Thanks for sharing!
Thanks Angelina, I’m glad you found it helpful.
I love this list of how to develop more self-compassion. I have done a lot of work on being more resilient, but I didn’t realize how it is through self-compassion until recently. Dealing with lots of health issues and pain, it can be hard to live the life I want and I’ve often been hard on myself for that. But, I have gotten better and there is still room to be even better!
Hi Jena, I’m a chronic pain sufferer myself and self-compassion has been a game changer, instead of beating myself up for what I can’t do I’m kind to myself and then can appreciate what I can do. I’m so glad you have been better at it and I hope the article gives you some more ideas of how to be kinder to yourself. Take care.
I don’t do all of these practices for self-compassion but definitely need to work on it. I only do a couple of them. Great post!
Even a couple of them is great! I hope you feel the benefit.
Lovely, well written, informative article. I try to practice mindful self-compassion every day to the best of my ability.
Hi Victoria, I’m glad you already have self-compassion in your routine and feel the benefit.
Lovely post – I think most of us are often too hard on ourselves, so patience & self-compassion are definitely so important!
Thanks Jess. I hope you’re being kind to yourself ?
Great blog! The tips you shared on how to practice self-compassion are very helpful. Especially point nr. 7 you mentioned, I realize I still struggle to set realistic expectations for myself.
I’m glad it was helpful for you. It can definitely be helpful to think about the expectations you would have for a friend. Makes it easier to be kind to yourself. Keep practising, you got this.
What a lovely informative read! In the world we can be so hard up on ourselves and try to do all the things but your post really makes me step back and evaluate how I handle situations and what I need to work on myself.
Thank you.
Thank you Sarah. I’m glad it helped you reflect on how you treat yourself! It’s definitely a skill that takes time to learn.